Sometimes it feels like my days pass buy and even though I’m busy I don’t get anything done. So to get this sorted I bought myself a calendar. It’s not meant to be used in order to remember appointments or such instead I’m going to use it as a kind of diary. Each night I’ll be writing what I’ve done that day. So it can read: –visited GP and picked up prescription, – laundry, – revised a short story, – timed writing and – yoga. So when it feels like I never get anything done I can go back in my calendar and look whether this is true or not.

I’m trying to have two books on the go at all times. One fiction and one about writing. So this time it was time to get a new book about writing. This time I picked The Creative Writer’s Workbook by Cathy Birch. I’ve only read a little over a chapter but it was love at first sight. This book is all about getting your creative juices flowing and finding the fun in writing. Not taking it too serious. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming to write as I’m trying to make it perfect. That is a sure way of sucking every little ounce of fun right out of it.

Yesterday I had one of those days when I was speeding around and couldn’t stop. My mind was racing. So I had another night with bad sleeping. It’s a disaster for my writing and for getting things done. I so need to sleep properly tonight. And I’m so putting in an order for a new bed tonight. We’ve been sleeping on an air-mattress for two months now. Enough is enough!

I might also be a little bit cranky today and while sleep deprivation won’t help in that department it’s not the one to blame. I’ve quit coffee. I haven’t had a cup of coffee for almost 24 hours. My head knows it and my temper knows it. I will try so hard to be nice to hubby tonight. There are a lot of reasons for me giving up coffee but the main one is that I feel that it affects me in negative ways. I do love the taste though… well, well I’ll just have to drink more tea instead.

A can opener. Sometimes I secretly wish that my husband was a bit easier to fool, it would have been nice if I could have made him believe that we somehow had lost our beautiful pink KitchenAid and that I therefore have to get a new one… don’t think he’d fall for that.

Back to the can opener. Such a tiny equipment but one that makes a huge difference. Makes opening cans a breeze. Right. Yeah. Sure. I’m sure that it does… if I only could figure out how it works. :S

After a lot of frustration and some bad language I had to resort to the old proved technique of cutting the can open with a dull kitchen knife. If it wasn’t dull before it sure is now.

I mean c’mon, how hard can it be?

Update: Apparently not very hard at all since my dear husband managed to use it straight away. I swear that next time I will show that can opener who the boss is!

The summer has almost ended and I can’t believe that I haven’t treated myself to watermelon until today. Watermelon is one of my favourite fruits. It’s absolutely delicious as it is but I also love to eat it with crumbled feta cheese. *yummy*

Another thing I love is freshly baked buns. And yesterday I craved buns. Unfortunately our cupboards where pretty empty so I had to make do with what was on hands. But I think the end result was pretty good. The buns are filled with butter, brown sugar and maple syrup. Not bad at all and the best thing was that thanks to the brown sugar these weren’t overly sweet either.

Besides eating I’ve been busy with reading. I’ve finished Grave Sight by Charlaine Harris and I’m now reading the next book in the series Grave surprise. I liked the first book but I don’t think it’s as good as the books about Sookie.

Our neighbours kept us up all night last night so I’m taking the rest of the day off. I’ve already done a bunch of errands, created a budget, written a few critiques, done my homework and blogged. So I think that’s enough for today.

This is a tea that I’ve bought recently. Yogi tea is a brand that my husband loves but I’ve dissed it because I thought that they would be too spicy for me. What a stupid assumption. I love it This Tulsi Mint tea is amazing. It’s a blend of peppermint, liquorice, cocoa shell, ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, cloves and black pepper. Lots of flavours.

And I love that you get your daily dose of tea wisdom.

I haven’t had anything exciting to read lately. I tried to get in to some Lovecraft but I don’t really like the way he writes, the stories are great though. So yesterday I visited the bookstore to get myself a few new books. None of the stores I visited had the books I wanted so I ended up at The Works and there I hit the jackpot. 3 books by Charlaine Harris that I have on my to-read list and I got all three for just £5. That’s a bargain!

So to celebrate my bargain at The Works I visited Paperchase where I found these lovely notebooks. I admit that I’m a notebook snob. It won’t do with any notebook, oh no. It has to be A5. It has to have plastic covers and the spiral binding has to be the right kind. Oh, and the thickness of the notebook is really important too. And of course it’s nice if the design is beautiful too. So I found these at Paperchase and I couldn’t decide on just one of them so I bought both of them.

Today I’m working on a piece of Flash Fiction. That is a story with a maximum word count of 1000. It’s something I’ve never done before so it’s pretty exciting. A little bit intimidating but mostly fun.

And today it arrived! A box full of fresh, lovely, organic produce. It can’t be better than this.

I’m well pleased with the contents. Lovely, juicy tomatoes that smell incredible. The carrots looked so yummy that I had to wash one and eat right away. Then there are onions, portobello mushrooms, potatoes, french beans, pointed cabbage and salad.

I could hardly wait for lunch today. I dived right into my lovely veg box and made a delicious lunch. Hot potato-salad with a lemony honey-mustard vinaigrette, cooked french beans with seasalt, a boiled carrot. Everything served on a bed of salad with 1/2 a sliced tomato and a gorgeous slice of sourdough bread from our local bakery.

This is food heaven. This is what real food looks and tastes like. Great quality produce cooked in a simple way. It doesn’t have to be fancy when the ingredients are good. This makes me long for a garden of my own where I could grow herbs and veggies, maybe have an apple tree or two.

The way I do timed writing is that I set the timer on 10 minutes. Open up my text-editor and write for 10 minutes. Most of the time I don’t have a topic in mind when I start, I just write the first thing that pops in to my mind. Sometimes I start with “I remember” or “I think” or something similar and sometimes I pick a few cards from a tarot deck to serve as an inspiration. The thing is that I don’t sensor myself as I write. I don’t correct any spelling or grammar mistakes, I just keep writing until the 10 minutes is up.

The reason behind doing this is to overcome the need of writing perfect and nurturing the habit of writing every day. Sometimes my timed writing is rubbish and sometimes it’s ok and sometimes (I think) it’s rather good. But either way, the quality of it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I put words on paper. That I keep my fingers moving. That I don’t over-think what I want to write. What comes out on the paper are my first thoughts. Un-edited. Raw. Just the way my subconscious were thinking them.

So, without further ado here follows a few of my timed writings. Spelling mistakes and all. *scary*

2010-08-05

I remember when we were sitting on the beach. It was late august and the wind was getting cooler. The seagulls flew low over the water circling the fishing boat and screaming for food. The sand were like a wet blanket around my feet pushing them further down with each small wave that reached them.
I remember that this was the last day I smiled. I smiled at you when you tripped on your own feet. You laughed as you got up from the floor and then you hugged me. You smelled fresh from the sea water and your hair was still wet.
I remember that this was the day when you stole my happy. This was the day when you made me cry. I never thought that you could make me anything but happy. But you took my heart and smashed it in to so many pieces that it can never be put together.
I remember that it started to rain. The rain competed with my tears down my cheek. The saltiness of the air mingled with the salty tears. I couldn’t even look at you. I just sat there gazing out over the sea watching the sea gulls.
I remember that you tried to say that you were sorry. That you hadn’t meant to hurt me. You said that it just happened. How can lies just happen? How can deceiving someone just happen? How can hurt just happen?
I try to not remember you. But I remember you too well. I remember the feel of your skin. I remember the warmth of your breath to my neck. I remember your hoarse laugh. I remember how your fingers used to play with my hair. I try not to remember the day you took my life.
I stand by the water feeling the waves against my legs. It’s the same beach, same ocean but different day. I walk slowly out in the water. There are no sea gulls today, no boats and no you. I walk further out in the water. I shiver as it reaches my stomach. It’s cold and my cloathes cling on to my wet body. I keep walking. My mind gets empty as the water climbs higher up my body. The water releases me. For the first time I feel calm. I’m giving in. I’m taking it back. I’m giving it away. Without it I can be free. The water has reached my chin and I smile. I keep walking. I see the sun disapear in the horizon just as the water is about to cover them. I keep walking until I can’t walk any more. I’m free, I’m finally free.

2010-08-02

I looked at the desk with big eyes. I couldn’t believe what I saw. All over the dark stained wooden desk where a thin layer with glitter, it sparkled in the sun. It wasn’t a single colour like silver glitter or gold glitter. It was more of an irridescent glitter. Purple, pink, blue, green, yellow all the colours of a rainbow. But that wasn’t what surprised me the most. The best part of it was that in the glitter were footmarks. Small, small footmarks. Not larger than a doll foot. Whoever they belonged to had ran across the desk towards the window. Right in front of the window the glitter ended but I could see the footsepts continue a few steps further as the glitter had stuck to the small feet that made the marks.

I turned around as I saw something in the corner of my eye. Nothing there. I looked at the book case with an intense stare but nothing moved. Then there it was again in the corner of my eye. Something fluttered. I tried to stand completely still thinking that I might scare whatever it was that made the movements if I moved to quickly. As in water I tried to turn myself towards the flutter, slow and steady. Right above my desklamp there was something. The air that surrounded it seemed thicker somehow. Like it was denser and it rippled as whatever it was fluttered it’s wings. For some reason I didn’t think it was a butterfly. Sure it had butterfly wings but it just didn’t fit. I had never seen a butterfly fly in that way, standing still, hovering in the air like that. Butterflies fly irratically. Up and down, here and there but they don’t hover. This one did.

As I moved closer the creature appeared clearer to me. The wings were beautiful. Large indigo blue wings with black markings. It wasn’t a very british looking pair of wings I thought. More like wings belonging somewhere where you could find coconuts and lillies and sandy beaches.

The creature landed on the lamp. That’s when I noticed the body. Long lean arms and legs. Porcelain white with a pink hue to it. Along the back trailed long black hair and the face. The face was one of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen. Like a little porcelain doll I thought. I reached out my arm and I was just about to touch the creature when her eyes met mine.
“Ouch” I drew my hand back to me. My fore finger bled. A tiny drop of blood came through the skin. That beautiful little creature had stung me.

2010-08-06

I don’t feel anything at the moment. I can’t feel my fingers. I can’t feel my toes. My legs are numb. I tried to move my head but I’m not sure if I managed cause I can’t feel my neck. I think I can feel my lips, there is a slight tingle in them. I’m not sure how long I’ve been like this. It’s dark now. Last time I was awake it was light outside and I could feel my upperbody. I managed to drag myself closer to the wall thinking that it would protect me from the wind. It’s so cold. Why is it that I feel the cold when I can’t feel my body?  I want to scream but nothing comes out of my mouth. A silent whisper of a breath is all I hear from my body. I woke up of hearing someone yell my name. I wanted to yell back and let them know I was here. The yelling has stopped now. They didn’t see me. The cold is creeping up from the ground seeping through my clothes and invading every single cell in my body. My mind is hot. Hot from exhaustion of trying to force my body to do what it tells it to do. Move you lazy bastard, move! I’m so angry. I’m not the one who asks a lot of my body so why can’t it just do what I ask it for once. Once!

I see a distant light. I must have passed out again. The cold has disapeared. I feel nothing any longer. The light grows brighter. It has a strange sheen to it. It isn’t yellow and warm as light usually is. This is colder and brighter, almost blue. As the light gets closer the shadows appear. Why hadn’t I noticed them before. In the shadows where other shadows. Shadows moving, waiting, wanting to get closer. Shadows with eyes. I could feel them stare at me. I could feel them want me. Now that I was aware of them I could hear them. I could hear their feet disturbing the leaves on the ground. I could feel them getting closer. I could feel their hunger.

I can feel my body now. It isn’t cold any more. The bright blue light is all around me. Around it I see red eyes staring at me with interest. They are licking their sharp teeth with their long two parted tongues. Snakes, they look like snakes. But they’re not. They are something different. Something inherently evil.

2010-07-27

I looked out of the window. It was dark but at the horizon you could almost see a lighter purple streak. The dawn was around the corner. I hated this time of the day. I hated it with such a passion that I wanted to hurt someone. Hurt someone just for allowing dawn to arrive. This time of day represent everything I am and everything I’m not. I’m different. I can’t be out in daylight. Well let me rephrase that, I can’t exist during the day. I only live at night. I’m a creature of the dark. I live in the shadows and I feed of the fear that I can cause. I hate it. In my dreams I see myself in the sun with someone to love. But that will never happen. I can’t live on love, it would destroy me and I can’t exist in the day. Instead I try to cope with my feelings. I turn angry and try to beat them to submission. I scare people. Sometimes I even hunt them down until they can’t stay sane any more. That’s a triumph. Driving someone mad. Their eyes get empty and they stare into some secret place only they can see. Some of them get a peaceful look in their place, like they’ve gone to their happy place. Others freeze in a state of sheer terror. I don’t know which one I prefer. But the feeling of triumph soon leaves place for the emptiness. The echo that is inside of me of something better than this. Once I almost had it. I touched the light. I saw an angel. He was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. I touched him. I have the scars to prove it. The burn was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. It felt like someone had thrown acid on my hand. I had to see a doctor, he said I should be happy to be alive. At that time I thought I’d be happy to die if it meant that I could be with him, the Angel. But I know that there is only one place for me to go once this life is over. I’ve climbed one step down the ladder each lifetime and now I’m on the last step. Next life will last forever and I will burn, burn in hell.
I wish there was a way to repay all the things I’ve done. To make a mend. But it’s too late now. I’ve already locked my eyes on my next target. The next thing to temporarily take my pain away. My next fix.

So there you have it, a piece of my un-edited, raw subconscious mind.

The weekend started with me making a mess in the kitchen. I decided it was time to make waffles. *YUM*

Hubby was mighty pleased when I woke up that morning. He ate so many waffles he almost felt sick afterwards. :S

The weekend has also been full of smoothies. Green Monster smoothies. I L.O.V.E Green monsters. They are the best! Above I tried a version with mango and blueberries + spinach and milk. It was good but not a favourite. The favourite is the one below.

This is what a proper Green Monster should look like. Green Monster. Just looking at it makes me giddy. Milk, banana, vanilla protein powder and lots and lots of spinach. Perfecto! I could live on these…

… and maybe this too. An almost empty almond butter jar filled with vanilla oats served with sliced banana. This is seriously amazing. I can’t believe that I’ve been missing out on almond butter for so many years. It’s so much better than peanut butter. Peanut butter isn’t even in the same league.

I’ve got so many more pictures of everything we’ve eaten this weekend. The food has been great

But I’ve been doing other things besides eating as well. Like reading. I’m currently reading Wild Mind by Natalie Goldberg. It’s a bit too chatty for my liking but it has some great stuff in it. Really sound advice on how to approach your writing. Not on a technical level but more in regards to confidence and routines and stuff like that. Definitely worth a read. I think that once I’ve read  it I will go back and mark some of the pages for easy reference and as a reminder to myself.

Yesterday I read a passage in the book that was about control that really resonated with me. She wrote: “But the other problem was that I froze the inspiration into an idea before I even began to actually write. I leaped from the cow, the semi, and me in a Greyhound bus to logical abstract thought about industrial life. That’s thought on thought. I should have stayed with the cow, the road, the truck, the smell of Nebraska. The idea got me to pull out my notebook, but then I should have let go of everything. I should have abandoned any idea and let the writing unfold. Instead, I wanted to control it – I had this great idea, dammit! – and I was going to make it work. We become blind and stubborn.”

This is exactly what I’ve done with ideas in the past. I like it so much that I try to control it. I control it to death. That’s one thing I really need to work on. To accept that I can’t be in control of everything and that I shouldn’t be in control of everything. Life isn’t meant to be lived like that. And writing isn’t supposed to be like that.

Anyway, I’m off to get some work done. I’ve got homework to do. In the workshop “Understanding Scenes” I have to work out what my characters motivation are. In How to think sideways I’ve got to take my 3 ideas that I came up with last week and make them sing to me. And then I want to do some timed writing. I’ve been thinking of publishing some of my timed writings as a way to get over my safe and perfect-issues. The timed writings are far from perfect as I don’t plan what to write in these sessions and I don’t edit them afterwards. We’ll see… might post and see how it feels.

My new project will include a lot of the things I enjoy to do. Writing, painting, plotting and coding. I’m going to create a visual novel I will use a game engine called Renpy to develop the novel. I think it will be lots of fun. But just to make myself clear, this is a hobby it’s not my main project.

This image hasn’t got a lot to with anything else in this post… but I still wanted to share it with you guys. This must be the best snack in the world at this moment. A crisp Pink Lady apple cut up and smothered with peanut butter. Can I hear a Y.U.M.? It is SO good!

Besides working on my new blog-design I’ve kept myself busy with different writing-assignments. I’m really enjoying the “Understanding Scenes”-workshop that I’m taking over at Savvy Authors. It’s really pinpointing the stuff I’ve struggled with in writing my scenes. I hope the rest of the workshop will be just as good as these first two lectures has been. Oh, and talking about Savvy Authors, I’ve signed up for yet another workshop, Editing as you go. It starts on Monday. It was mentioned over at the How to thinks sideways forums and as usually I couldn’t say no. It’s just too much fun to learn new things about writing.

I’m off for now, I’ve decided to make waffles for breakfast today. Give my darling husband a weekend treat. He’s been working so hard lately so he deserves a bit of pampering

I’ve decided to change my blog layout once again. I know, I know… but I think it’s really fun to change it and work with coding. Sometimes I miss programming things. Maybe I should do a computer game or something… but nah… too big of a project. Would take too much time from my writing. So while I’ve been pondering over the last assignment, to get three new ideas (I’ve got two, one to go), I’ve started the re-design of my site.

This time it will be a three-column layout. I’ve had it before and I liked it. And some other changes here and there. A different feel all together I think. Not really sure what it will look like when I’m finished but that’s part of the fun. To see it come together from nothing to something great.

Last night while making the bed I managed to hurt my elbow So I had to pass on my planned yoga today. I was really looking forward to it but now I start to think that it was just as well that I didn’t do it as my body feels weird. Maybe I’ve caught a bug or something… Don’t want to be sick now.

I’m off to refill my coffee cup, do some more programming and let lightning strike a third time.

I’m keeping myself busy with all the writing courses I’m taking at the moment. I’m taking two courses over at Savvy Authors, “Life in a Medieval Castle” and “Understanding Scene: How Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Disaster factor into it” and then “How to think sideways” that I’m starting over with. So I’ve got my work cut out for me but I enjoy every second of it. Yesterday I was busy doing Sweet Spot Maps for How to think sideways. Today I’ve been reading up on castles and to be specific about Warwick Castle. The castle isn’t too far away from where I live so I really look forward to visiting it in person. I’ve also worked on my wip, working out my main characters central story question and the first scenes micro-goals. Not nearly as easy as it sounds

At the moment I’ve just finished reading through the material for week three of How to think sideways and I’m now waiting for lightning to strike. Three story ideas is what I need for this weeks assignment.

Now I’m done for today. I’m in the mood for a movie…. I think it has to be something scary though